I am jealous.

There, I said it.


I can't remember if I have even written anything about this (because I am disappointed in myself) but there was this guy who I've known for years and stopped hanging out with.

Short version. He started coming over and we became friends again. Bf doesn't know this. This guy used to be one of my best friends but he secretly was in love with me. Bf DOES know this. Hence why bf was not told.

Anyways. To make a long story short, our friendship came back and not only did he like me once again, but now I had feelings for him as well.


And to make a long story even shorter, he now has a girlfriend.


Which I still have my boyfriend of THREE YEARS, but yes I am feeling jealous as much as I hate to admit it.

If I didn't, it would be a total lie.

Also, I weigh as much as I did when I was at my highest weight right now :x

I am on the verge.

I have never cut before but today is going to be the day, I fucking
know it. I hate myself.

My grandpa just asked me if I'm losing weight. WIN!!

Sent from my iPod

Hei pikkulintu. Minä rakastan sinua.




I'm a complete mess.

Ohh.

I wish I didn't hate myself.

I went to the gym last night and IM PROUD. Who knows the last time I went to the gym. I felt like such a fraud. It seems like only regulars are allowed at thegym and I can hardly manage to get my fat ass there once every six months. Needless to say, when I saw someone I know I wanted to drown myself in the pool.

That is all.

Our worst nightmare.

In my college statistics class today, every table was given a tape measure and was told to measure our wrists and our ankles.

I have a mini panic attack, look my table up and down, and decide there is only one girl who might be smaller.

As the tape measure is being passed down the table, I can hear people comparing their numbers in milimeters. Needless to say, I am listening but do not want to be invited into this competition.

Finally, it is my turn. THANK GOD I am right and I am the smallest one at the table. Major disastor avoided.

...or so I thought.


Then we have to go around the class and announce out loud what our measurements were of our wrists and ankles to do some sort of statistics test with them.

Panic again. The numbers are being recorded on the chalkboard (yes a chalkboard, wtf). It was bad enough having to recite my size to my table but to MY WHOLE CLASS???


Our table is chosen last to say our numbers.
I say mine as silently as possible, and am then forced to repeat myself because I was TOO quiet. Way to fucking go.



In short, it was an awful experience and really one of our worst nightmares.



After a quick scan of the chalkboard, I realized that I had the smallest wrists in the class (thank fucking god). I had the second smallest ankles........ugh.



I have failed.

**Edit**