It makes you forget sometimes.

I'm in love with someone I've never met.

I swear to you, I have never (not) met someone as completely perfect
and sweet as him.

I always thought it was so pathetic that people could have "e-
romances" with someone they don't know. I still do tbh.

We text all day, every day. We talk on the phone all night. He lives
on the opposite side of the country from me. His name is J. And it is
a cute name to match his adorable personality I assure you.

God.
Yes I still have a bf, M.

And no, I would never get with J simply because he lives so far away
AND we've never met which is indeed pathetic. He is the sweetest most
genuine boy or even person that I have ever (not rlly) met. We talk on
webcam and it makes my heart melt to see him smiling at me. He makes
me laugh. He makes me happy. I can't think of anything wrong with him
besides the fact that he lives approx 2,700 miles away.

Yes my last post was a text from him btw. He says the most adorable
things. We haven't gone a full day without talking since we "met". I
text him more in a week than I have ever texted my bf in my whole
life. What we have to talk about for that long, I have no idea....

<3

How sweet.

"If I could have one wish right now, it would be for you to be in my
arms and not thousands of miles away."

If I had one wish, it would be for my thunder thighs to be half the
size, but darling, you are second on the list. I assure you.

Sent from my iPod

Friday niiiiight.

All I've done tonight is lay around in bed, on the computer, trying to conserve my energy so I don't feel the need to eat.

I don't think that works. Sort of defeats the purpose. I may not be eating, but I'm not burning anything either.


I have three days before the shoot, AKA three days to lose 113 pounds. It'll be awesome.

People wonder why models don't eat! I'm not even getting paid for this one and I feel the pressure. Fuckin christ.


So, my brother in prison just called. I miss him. I want him to come back but I don't want him to see me like this. I'm a mess. He should be back soon. I don't remember the last time I saw him tbh..I know it was before all these food issues came to me. He hasn't seen me since the food issues. I look like such a minger with ratty falling out hair. Yet I'm still fat so it hasn't been worth it.

Don't you guys hate that? All the work to look worse than you did before but a few pounds lighter (supposedly).



Send me away to prison so I don't have to look at myself. Do they have mirrors there? I don't even fucking know. It confuses me really. Prison. I can't imagine prison.



I feel like a bitch. Me and the bf are still together but I don't think I feel the same anymore. We've been together 2.5+ years now. I've started texting other guys. Like old friends you know. Nothing bad. But I just feel as though I miss having a bunch of guy friends. I never was the one to have girl friends. I never was the one to have friends tbh.

Perfect. I like not having friends sometimes. It makes things so much easier. No one to blow off when I feel too fat to go out. I guess that is how I lost a lot of friends though. It's a viscious cycle. I don't even know how to spell vicious. What a life, I swear.
College honors program student, at your service!



I'm in a bad mood, can you tell?
Lack of stuffing my face today I'm sure.
And forgetting to take my antidep probably didn't help either.


-Oiseau

Nothing like it..

There is nothing like an upcoming photoshoot to GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN GEAR!!

:/
It's this Tuesday......




I am at 113 right now. Fuck.

P.S. I am officially coming back to this blog. I don't care anymore. Plus I like having this one to look back on to remind me of what has been.


More later, after I OD on laxies.