Whenever I am going to school, I am sooo stressed out. I pick at my face and I look disgusting. Does anyone else have that problem? Ugh. I can't stop doing it either. I don't know why.
My boyfriend found some of my thinspo. He asked why I had all those pictures. I just told him that I liked either the picture, outfit, hair, makeup, etc in the pics. He didn't ask any more questions so I'm not sure if he believed me or not but whatever. I'm probably just more paranoid than I should be.
It's weird though. I go through these phases where I WANT someone to find out. Maybe it's my subconscious reaching out for help? Maybe I want to live dangerously? Maybe I just want people to feel bad for me? I have no idea. Sometimes I feel like I just don't give a fuck anymore and I should just tell everybody.
I don't get it.
AND THEN I will go into the mode where I don't give a shit about trying to get skinny anymore. I'll eat everrrrythinggg and hardly even feel guilty.
Then later in the same day I see my fatass in the mirror and hate myself.
I do hate myself.
I wish I were someone else quite often. Why do I have to be me? Why do I have all this shit in my life? Why do I always feel the need to have a pity party with myself? Just another reason why I hate me I guess. It comes full circle.
It feels so good to be able to say exactly what I feel and not be worried about people judging me or telling someone else. It honestly makes me feel better. Even if no one were to read it, I feel like I am getting it off my chest. Releasing it. And then for a bit I feel better.
I wonder if I should tell my psychologist about my eating (or lack there of) habits. I don't want the fucker to tell my mom though. I am 18 but I don't really trust those "rules".
Ughh I just want to tell SOMEONE. Fuck.
i go through the same emotional roller coaster every time i get stressed out.
ReplyDeletejust try to find time to relax more often, even if its only for a few minutes, and everything will even itself out.
stay thin!
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
you can tell us - unless of course u want to tell other people, that are there in the flesh!
ReplyDeletebut if u cant always remember we are all here, all together. and i for one can assure u i am just like u, i would never tell any of the shit i write on here to ANYone that I knew and saw ever in real-life.
hope u feel better x
Wow, it's like you're in my head.
ReplyDeleteI was totally just like scratching at my face when I read that first part and I was like "eek I shouldn't do that" (I saw an A&E show about this woman who was like seriously obsessed with picking at her face and now I'm a bit afraid lol).
If you want to tell someone but you want to be safe about it, call one of those hotlines. You can just pour your heart out and hang up the phone whenever you want. I've been letting things slip to people and after it's out, you wish you was a secret again.