Question?

I have a question that no one but you guys can answer.

You know how if you tell your therapist you are going to kill yourself they can tell authorities and parents about it?
If you tell them about your food issues can they also like tell your parents and stuff because it is self-destructive?

I did that photoshoot by the way.

Dr. Phil

My mom recorded an eating disorder special on Dr. Phil.....
Woohoo!

:(

No time, sorry!

Day 7

I haven't posted in a few days, but I've been keeping track of my challenge stats.

Day 3 (???.?):
No chance to weigh myself.

-10 over max intake
+5 water

Day Total: -5 ( sorry guys D: )
Week Total: 32

Day 4 (108.8):
Less than where I started (barely lol, embarrassing) but there is NO way I'm making my goal weight in time.

+10 under max intake
+4 water

Day Total: 14
Week Total: 46! :)

Day 5 (???.?):

+10 under max intake
+5 water

Day Total: 15
Week Total: 61

Day 6 (???.?):
My birthday! Do you see where this is going.....?

+10 under max intake
-5 binge
+4 water
+4 exercise

Day Total: 13
Week Total: 74

Day 7 (108.6):

+10 under max intake
-5 binge
+6 water
+2 weigh in on time
-3 not at goal weight

Day Total: 10
Week Total: 84

Final Total: 84
Is that good or bad??

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I told my bf I am being forced by my doctor to eat trail mix all the time. He asked why. I told him the truth and said because I don't eat enough. I almost started crying but I held it in. I can't tell him. I won't let him worry. After I said it, he didn't say anything. Just silence. This was all after he asked if my pants were too tight. I don't know where he gets these lines that just make me feel like shit, but he does it with ease.

It was my 18th birthday yesterday.

I probably won't post again for a while.

Day 2

Day 2 (???.?):
I didn't weigh myself today.
Thank god.

+10 under max intake (I haven't eaten today)
+2 water

Day Total: 12
Week Total: 37

I am in no mood to write a long thing now. Basically, I went to the doctor for a "physical" and it ended up having my mom and doctor disscussing how I never eat. The word "anorexia" was never said but it was certainly implied. I feel so shitty now. I wanna curl up and sleep forever.

Lirimeansfree - Thank you, girl! (my iPod won't let me comment you back for some reason). You're too sweet! Plus thank you for the idea about fasting before the photoshoot! Who knows why I didn't think of that! But that's why I have you girls to keep me on my feet :)

Everytime I think about what happened at the doctor, I get an EXTREMELY strong urge to tell someone the truth (no one knows). Someone PLEASE knock some sense into me and tell me what a horrible idea that would be!! Wtf. I honestly might though. It is taking everything I've got right now to keep myself from picking up the phone and pouring my secrets out on someone. But I know I can't. I know I shouldn't. It seems like it would help the pain for a moment though...

Help me.

Day 1 - Weight Loss Challenge

How many of you guys are in that challenge?? It looks like it's going to be really cool and motivating!
Go Team Pink!! :)
I'm going to post my points on here but you guys can skip over them or whatever. I just need it so I can keep track.

Day 1 (109.1):

+10 bonus question
+10 under max intake
+1 exercise (I worked out for 45 min but I guess only 15 min counts?)
+4 water

(I don't understand the reaching your weekly goal weight part? Do you only do that at the end of the week? For now I'm skipping it.)

Day Total: 25 pts
Week Total: 25 pts

So, I have a photoshoot next week.
Obviously, I can't ever eat again now. I don't even know why I agreed to do it. Now I'm stressing out soo much. What if I look too fat? What if they want me in a freaking bikini or something?? I don't know what to do.
Not to mention, my social awkwardness is at a high point. This girl's gunna think I'm crazy!!

Honestly, if I'm not skinny by next week I'm going to have to tell her I can't do it. I'm not worthy of a photoshoot. I can't have anyone taking pictures of my fat ass. I'm a mess. I am getting acne again. My legs MUST have elephantitis. At least that's my excuse for their hugeness anyways. I can't go on like this. Something needs to change. Maybe this challenge will help me. Because I don't want to fail my team. I mean I don't WANT to fail myself but somehow I always seem to. If I do this for the team and for the photoshoot, maybe just maybe I can get skinny this time. I have to. I fucking have to. I'm tired of these legs, this stomache. I wear size 0 but I probably shouldn't. It is too big on my waist but my thighs feel like they are about to fucking burst out of my pants. Why??? It doesn't make sense! That isn't even my fucked up perception. It is straight truth. I'm disgusting. I'm an embarrassment. I need to change.