As long as I can remember, I have had the nickname/comparison of being a bird. Oh, how I wish I were one! I want to flap my arms and raise high into the air. I want to be light enough to land on a twig and hardly make it bend. I want my legs as skinny as a bird's are.
I am not a bird and will never be one. Recently though, it feels like my brain has been giving its best effort to force me into being one..
I haven't been diagnosed with anorexia and I don't believe I am all the way to that stage yet. But I don't know really. Who's to say.
All I am certain of is that I am eating less and less and becoming more food-obsessed with each passing day.
I am 5'5" and as of today, I weighed 108 pounds.
My lowest weight was 104 (about a month ago) and my heighest weight was 119 (about a year and a half ago).
I don't know how this happened...
I've been feeling like I don't fit in, even with the few people I consider to be my friends. I can't relate to anyone anymore. It feels like this is the only thing I can rely on to make me feel like I've accomplished anything.
I need....
I don't even know WHAT it is I need. I just always am feeling this intense need for.......something.
I don't know.
I FEEL YOU.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a dollar for every time I've said "I don't know" or "I just don't know," I'd be a fucking 9284729847910653289ionaire by now.
That's part of what's so exciting about life at this age!
We don't know, but we get to find out! Eventually... and hopefully.......
p.s. SO FREAKING JEALOUS of your weight. You've never been above 120?? I'm trying to BREAK 120. Sheesh :]