How can I love someone else if I can't love myself?

Why doesn't he listen to me? Why doesn't he know me?
I've been with him for almost three years and I feel like we know each other less every single day. I'm tired. I'm tired of him. He doesn't know me and I am honestly not sure if he ever will.

Don't you know, you will never know fucking know me unless I let you. And for some reason, I can't let you. I don't want to let you. I want to be alone. I don't want anyone.

You aren't the problem. Maybe you are. I don't know. If I actually talk, you BETTER FUCKING LISTEN because talking is not something I do often. I don't give a shit about what color you are painting your Vespa. I don't give a shit about your martial arts. I don't give a shit about your job. I care about you, I do. Sometimes I just wish you would listen to ME though. I'm too tired to listen to you talk about god knows what. I. Am. Tired.

I avoid hanging out with you now. We are different people than we were. We are changing. We want different things. I want Finland. What do you want? I will get what I want. You will sit and let life happen to you. I can't sit here and do nothing for the rest of my life.

I want out of this town. I want out of this body. I want out of this mind. I want out of me. I want out of you. I wish I had no one. It's easier than pretending you are my "someone" and that you care that I starve myself. You honestly don't even notice. You never have. People who I just met can learn more about me than you have in an entire year.

I don't trust anyone. And I certainly don't trust you.


"How can I love someone else if I can't love myself? I'm just sharing the abuse."
-Bracket.