Fall 2011, please hurry.

I really want to get into the habit of writing on here again.

To start us off (again) I have no idea what I weigh. I hate to check.
My diet over the past few days has consisted of mcdonalds french
fries. Lovely, eh?
I'm paranoid to get on the scale right now, so I'm not going to. Maybe
I will if I'm feeling brave in the next few days.

My brother is out of prison and in rehab. I'm the only person in my
family who cares enough to find this information out, mind you.
My sister is growing up.
My dad is acting more like my mom.
And my mom is a crazy bitch.

What's new, really?

In more important news, I'm moving in fall 2011. For school. To
Finland!!!!!!!

Oh I seriously can't wait. How am I going to survive for another year
to make it to Suomi? I don't know if I can do it.

All I know, is I need to get myself into gear in every possible way.
Also, my face picking is out of fucking control....
Help :(

Love you guys! Hopefully I will be on more often now.
-Oiseau

It makes you forget sometimes.

I'm in love with someone I've never met.

I swear to you, I have never (not) met someone as completely perfect
and sweet as him.

I always thought it was so pathetic that people could have "e-
romances" with someone they don't know. I still do tbh.

We text all day, every day. We talk on the phone all night. He lives
on the opposite side of the country from me. His name is J. And it is
a cute name to match his adorable personality I assure you.

God.
Yes I still have a bf, M.

And no, I would never get with J simply because he lives so far away
AND we've never met which is indeed pathetic. He is the sweetest most
genuine boy or even person that I have ever (not rlly) met. We talk on
webcam and it makes my heart melt to see him smiling at me. He makes
me laugh. He makes me happy. I can't think of anything wrong with him
besides the fact that he lives approx 2,700 miles away.

Yes my last post was a text from him btw. He says the most adorable
things. We haven't gone a full day without talking since we "met". I
text him more in a week than I have ever texted my bf in my whole
life. What we have to talk about for that long, I have no idea....

<3

How sweet.

"If I could have one wish right now, it would be for you to be in my
arms and not thousands of miles away."

If I had one wish, it would be for my thunder thighs to be half the
size, but darling, you are second on the list. I assure you.

Sent from my iPod

Friday niiiiight.

All I've done tonight is lay around in bed, on the computer, trying to conserve my energy so I don't feel the need to eat.

I don't think that works. Sort of defeats the purpose. I may not be eating, but I'm not burning anything either.


I have three days before the shoot, AKA three days to lose 113 pounds. It'll be awesome.

People wonder why models don't eat! I'm not even getting paid for this one and I feel the pressure. Fuckin christ.


So, my brother in prison just called. I miss him. I want him to come back but I don't want him to see me like this. I'm a mess. He should be back soon. I don't remember the last time I saw him tbh..I know it was before all these food issues came to me. He hasn't seen me since the food issues. I look like such a minger with ratty falling out hair. Yet I'm still fat so it hasn't been worth it.

Don't you guys hate that? All the work to look worse than you did before but a few pounds lighter (supposedly).



Send me away to prison so I don't have to look at myself. Do they have mirrors there? I don't even fucking know. It confuses me really. Prison. I can't imagine prison.



I feel like a bitch. Me and the bf are still together but I don't think I feel the same anymore. We've been together 2.5+ years now. I've started texting other guys. Like old friends you know. Nothing bad. But I just feel as though I miss having a bunch of guy friends. I never was the one to have girl friends. I never was the one to have friends tbh.

Perfect. I like not having friends sometimes. It makes things so much easier. No one to blow off when I feel too fat to go out. I guess that is how I lost a lot of friends though. It's a viscious cycle. I don't even know how to spell vicious. What a life, I swear.
College honors program student, at your service!



I'm in a bad mood, can you tell?
Lack of stuffing my face today I'm sure.
And forgetting to take my antidep probably didn't help either.


-Oiseau

Nothing like it..

There is nothing like an upcoming photoshoot to GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN GEAR!!

:/
It's this Tuesday......




I am at 113 right now. Fuck.

P.S. I am officially coming back to this blog. I don't care anymore. Plus I like having this one to look back on to remind me of what has been.


More later, after I OD on laxies.

I have a new blog.

http://je-suis-un-petit-oiseau.blogspot.com

I am only going to use that one from now on. I just updated with a new post about the fatass who sat in my lap. Check it out :)
If you want to know why I got a new one, read my previous post.
Love and miss you all!
I hope your thanksgiving wasn't too horrible. I got through okay.

This is my official first post ever I would say.

This is the first post that has ever come from a REAL WORKING COMPUTER.

All of the rest of my posts have always been off of my iPod, which is why I usually despise commenting people on here (though I do love reading all of your blogs).

Working from my iPod is painfully slow but since I am now on a computer, I would like to celebrate by posting my absolute favorite thinspo picture.



Honestly, I think it's because my backbones stick out just like that. I would kill for that shirt. I suppose I could make it but fuck it. I'm lazy. If anyone knows what it is or where I can get one like it, PLEASE TELL.


Anyways, the real main point of today's post is for this reason.
http://je-suis-un-petit-oiseau.blogspot.com/
This is my new blog. I am officially abandoning this one for a few reasons.
Biggest reason, I was stupid and have used my real name (Karissa) on here more than a few times and as we all know, we do not like to be known by the outside world.

My name is now Oiseau (which means bird in French). If you call me Karissa on my new blog, I will jump through the computer screen and kick your asses! Hah.



A few updates on my life as of late:

Three appointments ago, I told my psychologist about my eating issues.
That day, he said that is the last thing he would've guessed because I don't "look anorexic".
Thanks a lot doc. You'd think he would know that is the last thing we want to hear, eh?
Anyways, the point is, I think he forgot about it because he has never mentioned it again. Yet he does remember how much I hate my English teacher, which is far less important. I'm not bringing it up again unless he remembers.


I don't know how much I weigh at this point in time, but I am going to go check after this post.


I am looking for Finnish people on Blogger, preferably ones within our little community who could only understand our screwed up thinking. I am learning Finnish right now and may move to Finland eventually so if anyone knows of any Finnish ana bloggers out there, please let me know. Kiitos :)

I thought of a bunch more things I wanted to say earlier, but now I have forgotten.


Anyways, this is probably going to be my last post on THIS blog, but I will be back bigger (read: smaller) and better than ever on the new one, where my name is officially Oiseau, loves!


I will see you there :)