Friday niiiiight.

All I've done tonight is lay around in bed, on the computer, trying to conserve my energy so I don't feel the need to eat.

I don't think that works. Sort of defeats the purpose. I may not be eating, but I'm not burning anything either.


I have three days before the shoot, AKA three days to lose 113 pounds. It'll be awesome.

People wonder why models don't eat! I'm not even getting paid for this one and I feel the pressure. Fuckin christ.


So, my brother in prison just called. I miss him. I want him to come back but I don't want him to see me like this. I'm a mess. He should be back soon. I don't remember the last time I saw him tbh..I know it was before all these food issues came to me. He hasn't seen me since the food issues. I look like such a minger with ratty falling out hair. Yet I'm still fat so it hasn't been worth it.

Don't you guys hate that? All the work to look worse than you did before but a few pounds lighter (supposedly).



Send me away to prison so I don't have to look at myself. Do they have mirrors there? I don't even fucking know. It confuses me really. Prison. I can't imagine prison.



I feel like a bitch. Me and the bf are still together but I don't think I feel the same anymore. We've been together 2.5+ years now. I've started texting other guys. Like old friends you know. Nothing bad. But I just feel as though I miss having a bunch of guy friends. I never was the one to have girl friends. I never was the one to have friends tbh.

Perfect. I like not having friends sometimes. It makes things so much easier. No one to blow off when I feel too fat to go out. I guess that is how I lost a lot of friends though. It's a viscious cycle. I don't even know how to spell vicious. What a life, I swear.
College honors program student, at your service!



I'm in a bad mood, can you tell?
Lack of stuffing my face today I'm sure.
And forgetting to take my antidep probably didn't help either.


-Oiseau